Monday, July 31 2017

Family. This week has been quite the week. A lot of emotions. A lot of thought. A lot of a lot of things.

1- I am so homesick. Like super homesick. I went from only crying in the shower to crying all the time haha. We were at dinner at a members house and her friends asked if i was homesick and i could not choke back the tears haha. I have cried at 3 members houses so far and at one investigators house.

That is cool. But i got a blessing from my branch president and he blessed me that I would know that while my family at home loves me so much, and while i am so lucky to have a family that i miss, now is not their time. It is my branches time to be my family and love me, but more importantly it is my time to rely on my brother who perfectly knows how to help me. I am grateful to have Jesus Christ in my life. I love to read my scriptures about him. I do not even drink water during personal study because I do not want to waste any time getting closer to him. It is crazy how i feel like i dont have enough time for the gospel on my mission.

2- We sang to this old couple who are sick. The man was the old branch president and he is just really sick, but the woman was not a member and forgets everything. It is sad because Gunnar is aware of his wives illness and his own.

He feels so sad because he has not been able to go to church and no one really visits them. He does not know if God even thinks he is a good man anymore. But when we sand How Great Thou Art, I bawled. He sang it with so much power (Kind of like how Gramp J sings) and testimony. Someone who felt so alone and out of reach, calling upon his father. It was honestly so cool. The spirit was so strong I can not shake it off.

3- A member made us fried chicken. She learned how to when she went to america on vacation. That was yummy. Kind of a tender mercy. 

4- Søster Earl played lacrosse with me one morning for exercise time. I am so lucky to have her as my companion. She is exactly who I need.

5- I was feeling pretty discouraged and sad last monday after I emailed about not feeling fullfilled, but Sarah (the philipino in a lot of my pics) said a prayer before our hike and prayed that I would feel fullfilled....SHE DID NOT EVEN KNOW I WAS STRUGGLING WITH THAT. WOW. 

6- There are some bus drivers and boys who always talk to us and come to Sport. We do not know if they are coming for the gospel or if they are coming for us. Our branch president is worried haha.

7- I learned how to KNIT. SO COOL. It calms me down. I enjoy it.

8- Our ward mission leader is just like my dad. They have the same humor and act the same.

I am grateful for that. The other day Sarah was talking about how she wishes we could have sister whited back and jens looked at her and said, We dont need her! We have sister Horrocks now. SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT. I told jens he is like my substitute dad and so now he always calls me daughter. Idk if it helps with the homesickness or not.

9- Another hard thing for me has been being myself. I am not super bubbly or happy or jokey or outgoing right now. I can not be because I can not understand the language so I do not know what is going on. It is really hard for me. I just miss myself. But in Ismo's blessing he said that pretty soon the language will stop being an obstacle I have to deal with. That is cool. I hope it happens. I want to be able to help other people the way that I know I can. Bubbly abbey is a lot more effective than shadow abbey.

10- Also the time seems daunting. Realizing that I have so long left. It is nuts. I think that is why I am the most homesick. Because I cannot lay in my parents bed everynight and talk things through with them. That is what I miss. If i could talk to them I think it would be a lot easier. But that is okay. Growing oppurtunity I guess haha. I hope but not hope that the time goes by fast. I miss everyone too much. Even though i try not to think about it ever. It is impossible to block all the thoughts from coming every time.

11-The craziest thing about the mission is that even though i am homesick, not myself, can not understand anything, and have our appointments canceled all the time..I still love it. I feel so many sad feelings but still feel so much joy at the same time. It is so confusing. I love being a missionary and being in norway. I love struggling with the language. I love fighting each day to not give up. It is incredible. I am so grateful for how much I have changed already. I am so excited to keep changing. I know it is not going to get easier, but I look forward to the day when I can turn around and honestly say that it was all worth it. Because I know it will be. At some point on my mission I will know that giving up snuggling my mom or all the family activities was worth it for the joy my mission brings. I cannot wait for the day. maybe it will be tomorrow. who knows.

I love you all. Here are some pics about a hike we went on last week. super fun. we got super lost but that is what you do in norway. (last night we walked in the pouring rain for 2 hours trying to find a girls house) (lol)